It was Day 2 of the most amazing
college festival that I had ever attended and after standing in queue for over
an hour, we managed to get passes to the Euphoria concert that evening. The day
had been good with some amazing competitions and shows and the built up to the
concert had been brilliant with Papon and the East India company entertaining
the 6800+ crowd at IIT Bombay. The concert had been highly anticipated and Euphoria
did not disappoint! The energy they brought to the whole place was simply
amazing! And with that ended yet another day at Asia’s largest college
festival…
It wasn't until the next evening
that I logged on to Twitter and saw Palash Sen trending. On further
investigation, I learnt that some of his comments during the concert last
evening had “hurt” one of my female colleagues who went on to write a blog about
it which has been now blown into a full-fledged controversy. WHAT? Really? It
was such an amazing concert! On reading the blog I felt disappointed that it
was written by a fellow student at India’s most prestigious institute. If the
world calls us the most intelligent kids in the country, shouldn't we be more
tolerant and appreciative of humor? And sadly, Palash Sen was quoted
completely out of context in the blog and later during the “outrage” on social
media. Disappointing is how I would describe this whole episode and here is my
humble attempt at justifying some good humor that happened at IIT Bombay.
So my fellow student says that
Palash Sen asked the students in attendance if there are good looking women in
IIT. Standing in probably the 3rd or 4th row from the
stage, I saw that as a genuine question (if you may call it) to the crowd. His
words went “IIT ki khubsoorat ladkiyon”
which tells me that he probably wanted to dedicate the next song to all the
girls in IIT or something. And since in our culture, we are taught to treat our
women with respect, he added a prefix “khubsoorat”.
I mean, how would just “IIT ki ladkiyon”
sound? He is, after all, an entertainer and cannot afford to be boring on
stage. Yeah the majority of the crowd did say a loud NO in unison with a shake
of the hand but hey, that is what we feel. If you go back and check the gender
ratio in IIT Bombay you will be surprised by how skewed it is. In a democracy,
we are free to express what we feel aren't we? Like writing blogs and stuff? So
we did answer that question and unfortunately the answer was NO from almost all IIT
Bombay male students and no, it wasn't preplanned! Now I’m sure Palash Sen
would not have expected the answer he got from the crowd as there were, after
all many pretty ladies on the campus during the festival. The innocent question
sadly, has been misunderstood as an attempt to humiliate women and make them
feel small. Sad!
No ma’am we do not believe that
the world is made to “please us, our sensibilities and our sexual fantasies”.
But yes we all want people around us to be good looking don’t we? I do not know
a single girl who would not mention “good looking” as the 1st or at
max the 2nd criterion as a must for the guy of her dreams. So please
take it as it was, just a genuine response to an innocent question and not an
attempt to malign women in any way. And yes we were talking about physical
beauty alone at that juncture and not the inner beauty that we ALL possess.
The next objection raised was
about the “rotiyaan belna” comment
made by Palash Sen. Dear ma’am, since you confessed that you did miss out on
the order of things that happened, I consider it my duty to remind you the complete statement
there. He said “ladkiyaan tumhare liye
rotiyaan belengi aur tum unke pair dabaoge” in almost the same breadth. And
till the time of writing this article I did not hear any guy complaining about
the “pair dabana” comment. Yes I
totally agree that girls are not made to cook food for us and I am all for
gender equality in the kitchen. But hey, are we made to dabaofy pair of women? Or is it that girls find rotiyaan belna demeaning and guys find pair dabaana rewarding? I leave that
question for all to answer themselves but as for me, I do not find any of it
demeaning or rewarding.
“You have to agree that men are
more intelligent than women” you quote these words of his which, I must agree
sound sexist. Well similarly our Gods killing our demons sound unfair or a
judge sentencing a man to death sounds murderous. Why? Because they are all
quoted out of context! If you take the whole episode into consideration, you
will realize that he was referring to the skewed gender ratio in IIT Bombay
which shows that more men have made it to IIT than women which may give an
impression that men are more intelligent. And that is what he was referring to!
But you choose to mislead readers by quoting something completely out of
context.
“God is also a man” you say? In
that case I should stop praying to all the devi’s
we consider supreme. Poor Maa Laxmi
has been spreading wealth around and poor Maa
Saraswati has been spreading knowledge and Maa Kali destroying the evil. All in waste! Tch tch...
I completely agree that women are
meant for larger things, to pursue their goals and not to look beautiful for
the sake of someone else. Sadly, I now learn that they are not meant to enjoy
some good humor in a festival meant for entertainment. And that is purely
disappointing. Don’t remember when was the last time a guy felt “offended” by a
joke cracked on him. Oh and before you ask, there are many floating around
through messages and whatsapp. Should I, as a Marwari feel offended on all the kanjoos Marwari jokes doing the rounds? Think of those poor sardars who have been a subject of
humor for ages now. If we all get so busy feeling offended and our media gets
so busy covering all the offended people, what will happen of our country? Poor
Kapil Sharma will be out of job in no time. Oh and I don’t even want to imagine
what will happen of Russel Peters. Think of a society without sense of humor!
Dr. Palash Sen then went on to
say that ladkiyaan padhaai karo aur
IIT mein admission lo, to which, mind you, the whole crowd
cheered and clapped (including guys)! I find it amazing how the advice has been
taken as “unsolicited” while all the jokes have created such a “mental mob” and "violence" for you.
Double standards you would call it? In my opinion, the advice is totally
justified and I have the gender ratio data in IIT Bombay to back my comment.
Yes dear lady, people are “respectful
and lovable beyond beauty or brains” but can we keep that aside and just enjoy
a concert while being appreciative towards a guy genuinely trying to entertain? We
can leave that discussion to a debate on the famous topic “Do beauty pageants
objectify women?” This was neither the time nor the place to get so serious.
Some other details of the concert
that have been conveniently forgotten are that Palash Sen did compliment one of
the IIT B female students as the most beautiful member present in the crowd through
a hindi proverb. He also said that “if boys were dumb, then why would there be
a majority of boys at IIT?” Makes sense doesn't it? He also said that “women
are the most beautiful creation of God” and at this time, I do believe it was
the “inner beauty” he was talking about.
Towards the end of the concert I
saw someone saying something into Palash Sen’s ears and he immediately coming
on stage and stating an apology if he offended anyone with his comments. I now
understand that it was either Euphoria manager or Mood Indigo organizer and
this was done when our lady expressed her disappointment. Yes Palash Sen did
apologize to the same crowd he supposedly offended on the same stage at the
same time. Still, our lady demands a public apology? I somehow find this
difficult to fathom.
Palash Sen says that he has been
cracking this or a similar joke at every educational institute over the last 10
years. Why is it that it has offended our women only now? And by virtue of
being most intelligent kids in the country (I don’t believe that, it’s just
what people say), shouldn't we be able to appreciate humor better too?
To sum it up, I find this issue
unnecessarily blown out of proportion and feel disappointed that a
thoroughly entertaining concert has been overshadowed by this senseless
controversy. I hope this ends right here in a good spirit and we as a country
learn to be more tolerant and appreciative of good humor. Thank You Dr. Palash
Sen and Euphoria for entertaining us, your energy right thorough the concert
was commendable. And a genuine apology from me for the uncalled for controversy
that followed.
Well done dude. Nice write-up of facts. Shared it in my facebook wall too. Thanks for bringing this fact and, in fact, typing it patiently.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteVery Well Pushkin!!
ReplyDeleteThis is indeed the side we all needed to look.
It is men who actually should be offended by what he said. He asked men to massage feet of women. But the feminists who are completely out of their minds are getting offended by this.
ReplyDelete“Do not cry like a girl”, “Only girls cry like that”, “Be a man, be brave”
ReplyDeleteand so on are some of the rhetoric that goes on continuously inside a
man – a male – every time he feels pain and needs to express it. Awkward
as it may sound but these sentences are part of a so-called normal
upbringing of men in society without even realizing the psychological
impacts and sociological consequences of these dangerous statements or emotional time bombs as I call them.
When a 5 year old boy suddenly falls
down while playing and starts crying due to the pain he is showered with
these emotional time bombs, time and again. The psyche of a 5 year old
is still developing. Least aware that he is supposed to don the role of a
FREE ATM MACHINE and an UNPAID BODYGUARD
as he grows up to a man, the little boy is not able to comprehend the
devastating psychological effect of the emotional time bombs, he starts
developing a small story inside his mind which I prefer to call as the PROTECTOR STORY and that story is:
“I am a man, crying is a feminine trait and its weak to be a
feminine being a man and I have to be strong no matter what the
circumstances. Also, women are weak because they cry and I have to
protect women.”
Although the thought may seem outdated
but it is not so; earlier men were expected to protect women physically,
now they are expected to do so emotionally. Whilst one may argue that
it is nothing wrong to do so as men have always been ascribed the role
of a PROTECTOR and it is also not wrong to say so
because ultimately it’s the men who have predominantly dominated the
protectionist bastions – the police, the armed forces, the judiciary,
the legislative, etc. However, it’s pertinent to note here that while it
was natural for men to protect women physically since men have been
physically stronger than women. But the moot question that remains is – “Are men emotionally stronger than women?”
And the answer is a blunt NO.
And the reason for the answer is very simple – a boy’s life starts with
one of the emotional time bombs thrown on him. Typically it’s said
memories prior to 5 years of age have little/no influence on the
development of psyche of an individual. It’s the ones that accumulate
post 5 years, especially in the age range of 7 – 12, that significantly
contribute to the development of psyche of an individual. And it is at
this time that the emotional time bombs viz. “Do not cry like a girl”,
etc. are thrown on him which get planted inside his psyche and keep
ticking and explode at situations unwanted – thus time bombs (will be
elaborated later).
These dangerous emotional time bombs sit
Deletelike a virus inside a man’s emotional brain and eat it out leading to a
murder of the emotions of a boy at a tender age of 6 – popularly known
as “emotional castration” – leading to austere
psycho-emotional health of boys as they grow to become men. Ironical as
it may sound, life of men starts with violence – the murder of their emotions.
And this psycho-emotional violence is
committed on men (actually boys) as a clan because boys (men when they
grow up) are expected to be ruthless protectors and also they are
expected to undertake huge risks – social, personal, physical, financial, intellectual to name a few – as progress depends on risks.
So predominantly the human
civilization’s progress is a function of the ruthlessness with which men
undertake risks and that, in turn, is a function of the severity with
which their emotions are castrated in childhood or in other words the severity with which emotional violence is committed on them.
Because of this severe emotional
violence on boys since childhood – something which happens as a normal
social norm (hence goes unnoticed at best and unchallenged at worst) –
boys also develop another story inside their minds, similar to the PROTECTOR STORY referred to earlier, which I prefer to call as the GAGGED STORY and the story is:
“I am not supposed to share problems until they are solved and I am not supposed to open myself too much.”
This story essentially burns the bridges
of communication of the man’s internal world from the external world as
if someone who is gagged and the screeches cannot pierce the walls and
call out for help. And this burning of bridges, leads to an absence of a
communication channel for men – a communication channel that curtails expectations and entails acceptance.
Hence, we see two dangerous
psychological patterns here – emotional castration and absence of a
communication channel – and both these patterns share a symbiotic
relationship; both dependent on each other and feeding each other.
The combined effect of these patterns
Deletemakes emotional confrontations extremely difficult for men as each time
they have to make an emotional confrontation they have to fight
themselves and defeat the age-old indoctrination and their own
upbringing in order to do so. This makes emotional confrontations
extremely taxing psychologically for men and thus they tend to avoid it.
However, that’s a pain killer and not a long-term solution.
Moreover, emotional confrontations makes
men look weak and society does not support weak men, thanks to the male
disposability syndrome as defined here:
Male Disposability is a psychological behavioral and attitudinal syndrome that considers Men as “Disposable and Expendable”
and invests very low emotional resources with males which ultimately
leads to an environment insensitive to the problems of the male world or
one that automatically eliminates weak men (or men finished off with
their utility) viewing them as liability.
Fearing being disposed off, men refrain
from expressing themselves and avoid emotional confrontations till the
break-even point arrives and the break-even point i.e. expression of
anger is used against a man. This also makes it easy for the society to
practice misandry and sexism against men at will because an angry man is
made to feel guilty for being angry and there is no opposition to it.
Before progressing further, it’s pertinent to mention that by nature, all anger is quintessentially residual in nature.
This means that the particular instance when anger surfaces, that or
the recent incidences are never responsible for the buildup of the
anger. Anger builds it up over a period of time – an accumulation of
numerous instances of avoided emotional confrontations – which just gets
the spark from the current circumstances.
Hence, we see a direct connection between the violence committed by men and the violence committed on men (or rather boys).
Because of the emotional violence
committed on boys – emotional castration during childhood – boys develop
the PROTECTOR and the GAGGED story. This ultimately stops them or
rather strongly discourages them from emotional confrontations – buildup
of anger and foundation of the absence of communication channel.
Slowly the burden of the buildup and the
avoided emotional confrontations becomes unbearable and results in
violence – often physical – by men. And then the same men are punished
for his last speck of violence by way of unconstitutional anti-male laws without realizing the entire trail of violence which actually started with violence on men.
Everyone conveniently ignores the
Deleteemotional violence committed on boys during childhood – rather encourage
it under the guise of making “strong men” and punishes
the same boys (when they grow up as men) for the violence they commit
which was in fact initiated, fertilized, nurtured and nourished by the
planting of the emotional time bombs inside their psyche.
Men are thus not only victims of
unaddressed gruesome emotional violence since millennia but also of a
double jeopardy wherein they are subjected to skyrocketing misandry and
sexism. As explained earlier the time bombs explode at situations
unwanted. The explosion of these emotional time bombs is nothing but a
desperate attempt by men to break off the chains of forced slavery.
If the society wants to stop violence by men, it must stop violence on men.
Emotional confrontations by men should be encouraged and then only the
society reserves any right, whatsoever to punish men. Before that, any
punishment mechanisms (read anti-male laws) are not only
unconstitutional but also a crime against humanity.
Choice belies with the society.
PS: The newly proposed Workplace
Sexual Harassment Bill is the latest addition to unconstitutional laws
and is another instance of crime against humanity.
Dear Rohan,
DeleteI agree with most of what u said but you are making a fallacious argument here. Even terrorists are victims first, and then they become terrorists and kill people. But that doesn't mean we should not make laws against them. Wrong is wrong and should never be accepted. A criminal is a criminal no matter how much he/she was abused in the past. If you observe a pattern that leads to crimes, as you have very well pointed out in your comments, then you should encourage the society to change this pattern. 'Emotional confrontations by men should be encouraged' - agree but 'then only the
society reserves any right, whatsoever to punish men.' - I disagree. We don't need to know about a criminal's background and sufferings to punish him/her, the crimes committed are sufficiently worthy of punishment. Having said that, I want to clarify that "stopping emotional death of men and encouraging them to express their emotions" is a top priority of feminists, in case you don't know that yet. This is what we are all fighting for: Equality. Lot of people don't understand feminism and just because the word feminism is derived from 'feminine' they assume it is all about female superiority. It is NOT. It's called feminism because initially women started this movement to abolish oppressive practices on girls, which you dare not deny existed and still exists in our society.
Palash's comments were hurtful because women already hear all this stuff now and then that hurts and disrespects them but they just move on coz thoz ppl r morons, but Palash is not, right? (Et tu Brutus!) Everyone should speak out about what they have a problem with, or else people will just walk over them.
Very well said my brother. . Highly appreciated. . :) Polly Da is a truly entertainer and a genuine man respecting woman in true sense. . Unfortunate to hear that some one can really put such a blame on him...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.wemen.us/articles/views/808-husbands-committing-suicide-4-times-faster-than-wives.html
ReplyDeleteIt would have been better if your article was a to-the-point version of events as they happened, instead of a word-by-word retort to the other lady's write-up. Just sayin'
ReplyDeleteAppreciate your view. As for me I feel the actual sequence of events will be soon available in the video. It is the interpretation of the actual events that is a concern here.
DeleteExcellent article. Thanks for sharing this. this blog may be of your interest - http://parthasadhukhan.wordpress.com/
ReplyDeleteDear Friend, you also miss out the order of things in your article and are trying to mislead the readers. Why didnt you quote in your article that Palash Sen said "Women are the once who break heart, aur agar kisi ladki ne tumhe laat mara hai, toh uski laat tod do". The author sincerely confessed that she missed out on few things, hopefully you will also. Its its beyond hilarious that you consider this good humour. And to clarify its not only the author of the article that felt 'hurt'. There are hundreds, including both men and women! and the institute has already reckoned that and took the appropriate step.
ReplyDeleteDear Anand, I think you got your answer on facebook. But still pasting it here:
Delete"Friend you too are quoting an incomplete line. His next line- Aur usko kisi achche haddi ke doctor ke havale chhodh do( pointing to himself) . And then he said, Guys that's a joke, on a serious note in life people will break your heart, even life will break your heart. But just smile and move on. Bas khushiyan bantiye. Jitni khushi bandage utni khushi milegi. Just say Alwida shukriya c u later to all your troubles. Hundreds opposed Palash Sen??? Please clarify with your dean student affairs who has told the media that a decision was taken on the basis of a complaint by TWO STUDENTS!!! I saw 10 thousand cheer him on stage at IIT B. Don't screw those students who had a great time and rocked with Palash that night." - By Aviraj Mehra
Dear Pushkin, Palash might have wanted to same something positive but sadly the examples/analogies he used has hurt people and caused them to misunderstand him. If he didn't mean those things he is supposed to clarify and apologise in the right spirit.
DeleteHe did apologize right? Were you there?
DeleteNo, I wasn't there. But from what I hear and read I understand that he apologized only to one girl, not to me or to thousand others whom he offended. In fact, he made fun of it all.
DeleteSorry that's not true.. He apologized to everyone! On stage!
DeleteAfter all the noise, allegations, muck, respect and love directed towards him during the recent controversy, Dr. Palash Sen finally speaks his heart out to his fans in the country, worldwide and at IIT Bombay. - https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151864280872536
ReplyDelete